Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize