Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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