first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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