Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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