I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
