Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She bit a glass in half.
So squirting runs in the family.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
