Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
