It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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