I'm jealous of your bromance
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
