I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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