"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I want is dick and wine.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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