Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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