I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
