It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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