But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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