i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
