Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
