Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
