party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
