There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
