hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
