oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
