If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
