It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
