i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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