is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you would pick up someone in the library
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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