I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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