Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come share oat with me in your robe
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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