Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
