The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize