The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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