she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
