i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
