There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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