Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
