Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
