He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
