you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize