why didn't you poke me back
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
