I just pynch a tree in the face
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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