Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
