It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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