Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
