oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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