wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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