what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
