So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a search helicopter?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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