Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
