like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
