So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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