Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
