Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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