My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
