You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's get the cat blown out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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