this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
