Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
