We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize