Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
