She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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