Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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