Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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