Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize