I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
