i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
