We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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