ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
