Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
