Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
