Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
