I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
