Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
be right there i have to get my cape
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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